“Decaf or regular?” That is the question. Maybe you hate coffee and would say neither. I love coffee so this is something I would think about. I love going to a coffee shop and crawling up in a soft chair, having a cup of joe, while reading a good book. I love this and would consider this as time well spent. I love drinking coffee. I would say my love started in college when I was tired and needed a pick me up and so I would get a good cup of coffee to help me fight my ever so sleepy mind. And well it quite never has gone away. I worked as a barista for about 6 years of my life, even worked at a roaster for a while. I would say those were some of my favorite jobs. I love getting know about coffee and where is came from. I now roast my own coffee in the quite of my home. Maybe it is the love of it or the fact of saying I roast my own, or what ever but I do and love it never the less.
Now I write about this cause as I have been thinking about it, but feel God has taken it further in my mind. To say, am I “decaf or regular”? And then even further than this, let me explain.
You hear stories all the time about how something was to suppose to be organic or healthy but then some one questioned it, did the research and found it to be not true. Maybe it was a friend or family member of yours that was claiming to not be something, but in that claim you found out that what they were claiming to be was the very thing they weren’t. Maybe even in your self you desire to be something but have come to the knowledge that you aren’t what you so want to say you are. Maybe you have even said you were that.
Today I watched and elderly couple order coffee and when receiving it they looked at the side of the cup and saw it said decaf, and then went on there marry little way. Trusting that it was. Now the barista could have played a cruel joke and wrote decaf but instead they could have put in regular and sent this happy little Elderly couple on a caffeine rush of their lives. Maybe even put it in on accident. Either way the couple would have received something they didn’t order.
Have you ever received something you didn’t order? I know I have. I have gone to taco bell before, ordered a chicken taco and received beef. Yuck beef, come on I ordered chicken.
It makes you angry and rightly so because you paid for one thing and got something totally different. But that is life. Sometimes we get things we didn’t order. Sometimes we give things that weren’t ordered from us. And so goes the story of imperfection.
So let me now take this back to decaf or regular. Sometimes I claim to be decaf but in reality I am regular or vise versa. Sometimes what I give to people is not who I am. God has been unraveling this truth about my self. Do your insides match your out sides. Sometimes we think we have it all together but I reality with have nothing together. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have lived in false places and thought It was alright to live there cause know one really knew the truth about me, and as long as they believed differently, then it was alright. The beauty of God is that he sees right threw us and that he loves us enough to call our bluff. But not only calling our bluff, but also helping walk out of it to truly be what we claim to be. To truly be healed.
I am taking time off from music not just because I want to spend time with my family, but more so that God has called me out of a bluff. Out of a life I was claiming was decaf but in reality it was regular. I don’t know that I will ever come back to music being that it is a hard life to live and be healthy. It just is. I just know that I can’t lead people out of what I myself haven’t been lead out of, and in so say I am taking time to truly find the life God has called me to. To truly find my heart and to one day be able to come back and say that what I am is TRULY what I am. I don’t feel the need to go into great details about this but I hope that there will be a place and time for that. I do love what I do and love to make music. It is one of my greatest passions and I hope that God continues to create in me, a new song.
I claim to love God! There is know way around it, there for I must do what it takes to make sure that my heart is real, that my love is real. And not just something I speak. One of the greatest tragedies of life is that we claim with our mouths one thing, but our lives prove something entirely different. Walk with me as I am choosing to follow Jesus and make my life match his. I am just a man, who deserves nothing but death. But the beauty is that there is one worthy to be followed. His life matched his actions and gave us hope for something truer than our self. Follow Jesus with me.
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